Upcoming STS Film: Ashes of Man

I just finished the script to my third movie! It's called Ashes of Man.  Now the fun begins: picking out a cast and crew.

Ashes of Man is intended to be Stranger Things Studios’ third movie. However, it is quite an undertaking.  I’m estimating it at 8-12 minutes when all is said and done.  It’ll be shot in roughly 11 outdoors locations, 4 indoor locations, plus dozens of setting shots throughout the cities. 

Smurf 'Srooms

Who remembers the Smurfs?!  Little blue guys.  Lived in a mushroom village?  Sang that “La. La. La la. La. La. / La. la La. La la…” song.

What was that show even about? 

I’ve thought about it for awhile now, and it doesn’t make sense.  The Smurfs live in their little grove, rarely branching out, just minding their own business.  Meanwhile, in a nearby castle is an evil man named Gargamel, who’s sole purpose in life seems to be to capture, cook, and kill the Smurfs… 

And that’s it.

Dark Santa

*NOT FOR KIDS*

It is often thought that when a vampire is slain, its minions perish as well.  That is why the Prince of Darkness, the father vampire, the first of its kind, is both feared and hunted.  Should he be slain, the world would be free of their menace.

Yet, Dracula is dead.  Abraham Van Helsing intercepted his coffin on its way back to Transylvania, opened it, and drove a stake through the creature’s heart. Why then are vampires still feared?  They cannot exist without  the father vampire still roaming the earth.

Unless Dracula was not the first of the vampires…

Glass at Half

Half empty or half full?  That’s the question, right?

It’s half empty. 

I’m glad I could clear that up for everyone. I hope we can all move on now.

Chicken or Egg?.... What?  Oh, you want me to defend myself.

Fine.  You’re at a restaurant.  Does your drink ever show up half full?  No.  Does it show up half empty?  No.  It shows up full, and you drink it until it’s gone.  At some point, it’s half empty. 

Its all about direction.  If you’re filling the glass up, then sure, there is a moment in which it is half full.  But by the time you’re staring at the glass, pondering the question, you’ve already finished half of it.  It was full.  It’s on its way down because you’re drinking it.  So halfway is half empty.

Monthly Scoop: December 2011

It snowed the night before last, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to melt this time.  It’s also December.  I would say that makes it officially winter.  I would also say that makes it time for the Monthly Scoop!

Really, the only thing that has been on the radar all last month, and has become my focus going into this month is Stranger Things Studios.

If you haven’t gotten a chance to watch it yet, the Extra Life 2011 video is up on YouTube.  It’s not technically a Stranger Things production, but seeing how STS is me, and I did it, it kind of landed in that gray area.  Anyways, it’s a documentary of a 24-hour video game marathon that my charity team, the Fat Chance Heroes, did.

When A Little Bit of Muscle made it onto YouTube, it was banned in Germany due to copyright material - namely, because I used part of “American Woman” by the Guess Who. 

So, when I first uploaded Extra Life 2011, I fully expected a banned list because I used a Daft Punk song.  I was actually kind of excited to see what countries were going to pop up this time.  I don’t know, there’s something about being banned that feels a little prestigious… well, that’s what I thought before I looked at the list:

Welcome to Online Gamer: 101

I’ve only been to one foreign country, and if you’re over 25, you’ll understand exactly what I mean.  I’m talking about the on-line video game world - that place filled with the disembodied consciousness of minds ranging from age 7 to 87. 

If you’re looking for a good anthropological study,  immersing yourself in their world is the perfect social experience.  The ability to unplug from the matrix at any point, mixed with the high degree of anonymity, allows everybody the ability to become an entirely different person.  I know most of the gamers are from the same physical country as I am, and more often than not speak the same language, but their culture is as foreign to a newcomer as I imagine landing in Russia would be.

That’s not to say that there isn’t order.   There is certainly a social etiquette, as well as things considered taboo, all of which vary depending on the type of game you’re playing.  

In general, I find you are judged by both your behavior and your skill; and when you are judged, it is to the extreme.  There is very little middle ground.  Every time you sign in, you are with new people, and they will judge you.  Every few games, the player base rotates, and you are again with new people, and they will judged all over again. 

Killer Teammate

I had the most confounding gamer experience of my life yesterday.

I was trying out the multiplayer for Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.  There is a cooperative mode that can be played, wherein a team of three players try to complete a mini-mission.  Now, if you back out of a game, which ruins it for everyone, you lose $10,000 of in-game cash, and are put on stand-by for 90 seconds or more.  It is meant to promote the idea that when you start a game, you commit to it.  I actually like the idea.  You have to have very good reason to want to quit.

If you are shot down, a count-down timer starts.  If you are not revived by a teammate in time, you’re out for 60 seconds.  If everyone’s dead at the same time, the level restart at the last checkpoint.  Your team gets three tries before you lose.

STS: Extra Life

For October 2011, my charity team - the Fat Chance Heroes - participated in an annual charity event called Extra Life.  It is a 24-hour video game marathon intended to help raise money for Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals across the nation.  As residents of the Twin Cities, we chose to raise money for the Gillette’s Children’s Hospital in downtown Saint Paul.

In total, we were able to raise $231.

As promised, I made sure to document the event in order to prove to all of you that we did indeed stay up and play video games for 24 hours straight!  Of course, the greatest proof I have is this video!!!  It is not technically a Stranger Things Studios film, but seeing how they edited the movie from what footage we had, I am including it under their banner. 

Be warned, there is vulgarity, but it is fun none the less.  Enjoy!

There Goes the Planet: Part II

In my population control model, everyone is issued a “gene pool” (or GP) credit by the government.  If the government can issue everyone a social security number, they should be able to issue everyone a GP credit.  When a child is born, both the mother and the father are charged a credit.  One child, two credits. 

As long as a person only uses their one credit, they will not be effected in any way.  Now, not everyone intends to, or is able to, or gets around to having a child.  These people will be able to sell their GP credit back to the government for a permanent tax-break deductions.  The flip side of that is that anyone who has a second, or a third child, will be penalized and/or have their taxes permanently increased by a certain amount per child.

There Goes Planet Earth: Part I

Enough updates!  Let's talk about something.

I just finished watching the Planet Earth series put out by the BBC.  Overall, it is documentary regarding the beauty of the natural environment, and the continual pressure that we put on it.  The final disc of the five disc set is entitled, Planet Earth: Future.  It addresses the big question of, “Where do we go from here?”  The arguments that fire back and forth are so strikingly different that it absolutely astounds me.  On one end, there are the people that say without intervention we will destroy the diversity and sustainability of this planet.  The other side says that the environmentalist are exaggerating the situation; and for all sorts of legal, political, and pragmatic reasons, nothing can be done to address the issue.

Off the Charts! 2500!

In one fell swoop, I missed my chance to announce that the JonnyD Weekly has reach its 1000th visit, its 1500th, or even its 2000th for that matter!

Instead, I’m excited to say that the JonnyD Weekly has just had its 2500th visit! 

“How?!”  You ask.  I asked my wife the same thing.  Up until Halloween, I had been watching the number of visits teeter right around 990.  Well, after writing my Halloween blog about shaving my head, Tonya went ahead and posted the blog-link on Breaking Bad’s Facebook forum.  In the course of three days the JonnyD Weekly had almost 1500 hits!

Of course, traffic has dropped off now to what it normally has been.  People probably clicked the link, saw the photo, said “cool,” and closed the window.  But who knows?  1500 visits.  Some new people might be reading the blog now.  “Hello new people!”

Monthly Scoop: November 2011

It’s that time again boys ‘n’ girls!  Time to realize I did far too much talking, and not enough doing.  Time for the Monthly Scoop.

To begin, I apologize for the late post.  I promise I will make it up to you.  The truth of the matter is I have a large project I’m working on, and I was hoping to be able to write the blog for it last week.

Speaking of projects - what has JonnyDStrong been up to?


Extra-Life

As you may have read, the newly founded team, Fat Chance Heroes, had their first charity event.  It was called Extra-Life.  It is a 24-hour video game marathon to help raise money for children hospitals.  We had a good time, and recorded some of the event to prove we stayed up the full 24 hours.  I am currently editing the film, which is taking a lot longer than planned.  But as soon as I’m done I will post it on-line.

Halloween: Breaking Bad

For those of you who don't know,
"Breaking Bad" is about chemistry
teacher Walter White, who when
diagnosed with terminal cancer,
decides to cook meth in order
to provide for his family.

Some people go all out for Halloween.  Some think it’s the greatest holiday out there.  I, believe it or not, am not one of those people.  This year however, I might have a hard time convincing you otherwise.

I’m a bit self-conscious about my receding hairline.  I become hyper aware of it when my hair gets too long, and it starts to look like the comb-over that old professors seem to sport - you know who I’m talking about.  I know you’ve had that teacher, too!

Well, it was time for a haircut again.  It was also closing in on Halloween.  And in my contempt, I said the usual “maybe I should just shave it all off.  I’m going to look that way soon enough anyways.”  I also jokingly said to myself that I could just shave it off, and be Walter White from the TV show “Breaking Bad.”


I said that on Monday.  I wasn’t serious.  Well, not until I shaved it on Thursday.

If you’ve never shaved your head before, let me warn you - you’re skull has no temperature regulation.  When you’re not moving, its hot, because that’s where all the heat in your body vents from.  When you move in the slightest, it gets cold and drafty.  Really weird.  Try it out. 

It’s also hard to get use to how you look.  Between the buzz and the goatee, I feel like a dweeby nerd inside a thug’s body.  Strangers look at me differently.  I went to buy something from Sears.  The salesman seemed like he wasn’t interested in selling to me, which was weird, because I’ve bought both my lawnmower, and my snow-blower from him.  He didn’t recognize me.  I didn’t bother to introduce myself.  He wanted nothing to do with me.  Shallow prick…

Work on Friday was fun.  Nothing but positive feedback.  The three reactions I got were as follows:

1. “Dude, you look just like him, only younger.”

2. “I seriously didn’t recognize you.  I just thought you had a new temp in your department.  Like, you waved at me and I just thought, well isn’t he a friendly guy.”

3. “You have a nice shaped head.  It doesn’t look deformed or nothin’”


My favorite, however, was “Hey, can I get a picture of you to send to my wife?”

I can honestly say I have never had anyone say those words, in that order to me before.

Oh Crap! I know you!

My wife and I went to a Caribou coffee shop yesterday for - of all things - coffee.  As soon as we entered the building, my eyes locked on a person sitting in a leather chair in the corner across from us.  It was one of my coworkers.  She was busy on her laptop, and apparently did not witness us come in.  In my surprise, I looked at Tonya and said, “Hey, look.  Its so-and-so!”  I said it loud enough that I thought she would hear me, but not loud enough for it to sound like a excessive stage whisper.  Well, my friend didn’t look up.

That’s when my over-thinking kicked it.  “Is that her?  Maybe it isn’t her.  She must have heard me.  I’m pretty sure that’s what she was wearing at work today.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe that isn’t her.  Now that I stare at her like a creep, it doesn’t look like her.  Should I go up and say ‘hi’?  Well, if it's not her, that would be awkward.  Maybe I’ll say her name loudly in hopes she looks…and if that’s not her and she looks up anyways, and I’m still staring at her, I’ll feel like an ass.  Nah, forget it…

“But wait!  What if that is her, but I don’t go say ‘hi,’ and she sees me leave.  Then she’ll think I was avoiding her, and I don’t mean to be like that. 

“I know!  I’ll sit down with Tonya and exaggerate my conversation to catch her attention and then she’ll have to come say hi to me.  That puts the pressure on her, not me.”

Yeah, that didn’t work.  And yes, that was my coworker.  And no, she never noticed that we came in, ordered our drink, sat down a table away from her for half an hour, and left without saying goodbye.

Narcissism at it's best!

I’ve got another great marketing idea! ME!  That’s right, ME.  This guy.  This guy right here.  Wait, come back!  Let me explain,myself…
<grumble grumble I don’t see why I have to defend myself mutter mutter>

A conversation involving me went too far, and no one stopped me before I went off the deep end.  I joked that it would be funny to take fifty professional-type pictures of myself, frame them all, and line my hallway, two rows on a side, all the way down to the bedroom.  I’m sure Tonya would love that!  Better yet, how about we take a massive, wall-sized photo of my good looks and hang it right over the bed!  Oh my god, awesome!!

Two things real quick.  1.) Believe it or not, I am not this narcissistic, and 2.) This all has a valid point that I’m working up to.

Spongebob came up right pretty quick after that, and how the “employee of the month” wall had nothing but his face on it.  Well, wouldn’t it be funny to have all the walls of my office (assuming, for example, I ran an ice cream delivery service) layered with portraits of myself.  Imagine being in that room for an interview!  Better yet:  I’ll buy a wooden desk with a glass surface, and then have a large portrait of myself between it and the wood, looking up at you while you sit across from me!

The only place to go from here is paraphernalia.  What do you think of JonnyDStrong…

          Playing cards - 52 different images of me.
          Calendars - Especially page-a-day calendars
          Coffee mugs - Picture this.  When the cup gets hot, I appear. 
                                  When it cools off, I disappear!   
          Chia pets - Watch my receding hairline grow back.   
          Cardboard standouts   
          T-shirts
          Bobble Heads

And then it occurred to me:

If someone as useless, sad, and as pathetic of a representative of the planet earth like Paris Hilton can become popular for no rightful reason whatsoever, then anyone else should (if not deserves to) be able to do the same.  I honestly believe that if you have the proper amount of publicity and marketing, you could take someone, anyone, and make them a sellable product.  People will buy crap just because it’s “that guy,” especially teenagers.  Why?  Because it’s cool to support something nonsensical.

All you need is someone who thinks that he’s kinda of a big deal.  One of those guys who has a hard time pulling myself away from the mirror because of the dashing chap staring back at me.  Someone who can throw myself out there with my cocksure demeanor and infallible confidence.

Well, I couldn’t develop a theory without making a field study out of it.  I was going to have to make JonnyD paraphernalia. No way around it, really.  To my wife’s great joy, I discovered a website that will make custom playing cards for dirt cheap.  Even worse, I found several people who were more than willing (even than me) to help set up a photo shoot in my basement, or donate hats, helmets, clothes, and make-up to the event.

So at this point I ask you: Is it still narcissism if there’s a whole group of people supporting this?

My friend and aspiring photographer Niki Craft brought over her camera equipment and took the pictures.  We were at it for five hours.  We took over five hundred shots!  I selected the ones I wanted, retouched them and placed the order.  I must say, they are quite impressive, and I’ve gotten nothing but good reception from everyone I’ve shown them off to.

A few people have actually seemed offended that I would even do something like this.  Come on, folks.  You’ve got to be able to have fun with yourself. 

And maybe they’re just pissed off that it’s not their face on the cards.  Or better yet, they’re jealous that I have a deck of JonnyD cards, and they don’t. 

Maybe I’m actually onto something with this product idea…

Get me a publicist!  We need bobble-heads next!

Extra Life

Two weeks from today, the Fat Chance Heroes will undertake their first mission as heroic good-doers.  They will endure 24 straight hours of video game playing on behalf of Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals.  All the money they raise will go to the Gillette’s Children’s Hospital in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Both Mystery Longshanks and Cold Man Fusion have been gung-ho about this event from day one.  Neither of them can decide which games they’re going to play for the duration of the event.  If anything, their biggest problem is that they only have 24 hours.

Blackout, on the other hand… not so much.  Don’t get me wrong.  She’s committed the event.  She’ll be there.  But she’s not the biggest video gamer, and she’s not quite sure if she’ll be able to stay awake for the whole thing.

Meanwhile, Mystery and CMF, are practically setting up a fallout shelter.  What supplies do we need?  Where do we set up the TVs?  Who’s on food rotation?  Who’s keeping who awake? How many people can be connected to the internet at a time? 

Oh yes, their training will be pushed to the max.

And it will be documented.  Never fear.  I intend to set up a camera, from which, once and hour, a photo will be taken of the war room so that people can see how the Fat Chance Heroes hold up.

Technically, Extra-Life takes place October 15^th into the 16^th.  However, due to schedule conflicts, the Fat Chance Heroes will be participating the following weekend instead:

October 22^nd at 8:00am, to October 23^rd at 8:00am.
The only challenge remaining is raise what money they possibly can for the Children’s Hospital.  So far, the heroes have raised
119 dollars

If you would like to support the heroes in the Extra Life charity event, visit their pledge page:

Fat Chance Heroes @ Extra Life

*Note: Extra-Life will only take donations until October 15th.




About Extra-Life
www.extra-life.org

Extra Life is an annual charity event that started in 2008 in honor a girl named Victoria Enmon, who died of lymphoblastic leukemia.  The Sarcastic Gamer Community donated video games and gifts to keep the girl’s spirits up.  In that same spirit, video gamers participate in the 24 hour Extra Life event to help raise money for children’s hospitals across the nation. 

Fat Chance Heroes:

Visit them at fatchanceheroes.blogspot.com

Find out about their Upcoming Events

Monthly Scoop: October 2011

So that’s it.  September’s over.  What an amazingly short, yet strangely productive month.  I’m finding it’s nice to have the JonnyD Weekly around so I can remember what I’ve been up to.  My memory only works for about 36 hours, tops.  I’m writing this Saturday night.  I can’t recall Thursday at all anymore.

I do know, however, that I am finally down to the backwash of my August bucket list.  Moby Dick is read, as is two-thirds of the everything my co-workers have loaned me.  I also beat Baldur’s Gate II, a PC game that I’ve been sitting on since 2001, and have been picking away at for over a year.

And let’s not forget the Gauntlet!  The question I keep getting is, “When’s the Gauntlet II?”  When, mind you, not, Will there be.  To answer that, lets say, January 2012.

In short, the slate is clear.  Its time to change gears - make a new list of goals to keep me busy until the end of the year.  If you’ve noticed, I’ve already started laying the ground work.

With the colder climate on its way, its time to return to my writing.  Temporaltorium has been patiently sitting on my desk for the better part of 2011, waiting for me to delve into round three of editing it.  I am not looking forward to it.  The trimming I need to do is like taking a Miata, and crunching it down to the size of a matchcar.

On the flip side, I’m long overdue to start writing something new.  I haven’t created new material since I finished the novel back in July 2010.  I have several novels floating around in my mind.  I’ve also thought about unloading dozens of short stories to send off to magazines.  That seems the more productive idea.

And then there’s the Fat Chance Heroes.  A co-worker of mine wanted to join a 5K run I had signed up for.  It logically followed that we come up with a team name.  Then we decided it was silly to make a good team name only to use it this one time. 

So, now the Fat Chance Heroes have their own page at

http://fatchanceheroes.blogspot.com

and are looking for events and/or charities to sign up for.

Along with a team name, we came up with alter-egos, like Mystery Longshanks, Cold Man Fusion, Blackout.  The characters have been so damn interesting that I could make up fantastical stories of their exploits.

I’m seriously considering it…

THE GAUNTLET 2011

12 Players.  7 rounds.  13 Games. 
9 hours of straight videogame play. 
We call it THE GAUNTLET.

On Saturday, September 24^th, I hosted my first ever video game tournament.  The idea had floated around in my mind for over two years.  I wanted a competition that showcased more than just one game.  I also wanted a tournament that where when you lost you were not permanently eliminated.   

So I came up with something I call “double-plus elimination.”  It gets complicated, but in a nutshell:  There is a Hardcore tier, and a Casual tier.  The Hardcore tier is aimed at hardcore gamers, with race games, first person shooters, etc.  Meanwhile, the Casual tier is for your idle gamers - Wii games, original Nintendo, Guitar Hero, you know - the fun stuff.  Every round is a different game.

On top of the two tiers, there is a Wild Card queue.  If you lose in the hardcore games, you go into the queue.  Every round wild cards fill spaces in the casual tier, and casual tier winners fill wild card slots in the hardcore tier.  It’s a continual cycle, and players get to keep coming back until the bitter end!

11 people showed, so a few bi-games were needed to make it all work.  Ultimately, it went very well.  Players in the hardcore tier got to play Burnout: Revenge; Call of Duty: Black Ops, both regular and zombie modes; Soul Calibur IV; Unreal III;  and Motor Storm: Pacific Rift.

Casual gamers played Mario Kart; Boom Blox; Mario 3; Guitar Hero; Wii Tennis; and Ice Hockey.

For the final round, the Hardcore and Casual tier champions went head-to-head in a series of Little Big Planet 2 challenges for the win.

Gauntlet I

Winners

1^st Place - Tim S.             2^nd Place - Mike D.

3^rd Place - Jason R.          4^th Place - Chris E.

M.V.P.
I feel that an additional award should be given out, something akin to an MVP award for the most impressive performance throughout the entire tournament.  Here's why:

Hardcore Tier.  Round 4.  Soul Calibur IV

Tim vs. Jason

Soul Calibur is your typical fighter game, similar to Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat.  Now, Tim owns Mortal Kombat, and he played it extensively.  He does nothing but boast about his skill in the game.  For that very reason, Mortal Kombat was not allowed in the tournament.  Even so, whoever was match up against him in a fighter game was pretty well screwed.  That person happened to be Jason.

Tim was randomly given Maxi as he character to play, to which Tim cheered because it was the character he was the best at.  Poor Jason… Jason ended up with Cassandra, who looked like the girly version of Link.

Here’s how every fight went.  Tim beats the  hell out of Jason for ten seconds straight.  Jason manages to get one hit in, and then Tim goes back to pummeling him into the ground.  The only reason Jason one the first round (which, by the way, was funny as well), was because after being knocked down on the edge of the board, Tim decided to finish him off with an impressive airborne spin-kick.  Only he missed, and flipped off the edge of the board instead.

Somehow, Jason stayed tied with Tim all the way to the final battle.  3-3.



Final Round 

It was like watching that epic fight in a movie, where the hero is horribly outmatched.  Yet, in his last possible moment, he has a moment of clarity, the world slows around him, he centers himself, and then launches into an amazing display of prowess that his opponent is not ready for.

That is exactly what happened.  Tim decimated Jason until his chick slumped to the ground with at best two hits left.  Tim had a good half a bar to go.  But out of nowhere, Jason launched into a series of attacks that Tim was not prepared for.  By the time he was able to block, Tim had as much life left as Jason did.  A volley of strikes and parries ensued, until Jason at last managed to deal the final blow.

The entire room erupted in shouts from the intensity of the match.  Tim was so charged up from the fight that he shot up, threw the controller into the couch, and paced outside for the better part of twenty minutes before he cooled off.  As for Jason, mellow beyond belief, he simply shrugged and said “What?  It’s just a game.”

And for that, I award Jason R. with the unnamed award for most impressive display of video-gaming prowess.  Maybe I’ll buy a PS2 controller and spray-paint it gold for him.

Rise of the Fat Chance Heroes

“Doing good things, just maybe not very well.”

My rag tag band of friends needed a banner name for a charitable event we signed up for. The result was an impressive, yet unsupervised chain reaction. Naming ourselves quickly led to each participant creating their own hero name; then physical descriptions; and then powers and abilities. Now we’re looking into conceptual drawings, comic-esque short stories, team T-shirts, you name it.

Yet, a group identify also led to the idea that the Fat Chance Heroes should do more than just this one charitable event.

Click here to Meet the Heroes



Extra-Life  www.extra-life.org

As our first mission, the Fat Chance Heroes must endure 24 hours of straight video game playing. All the money raised towards this event goes to the Gillette Children’s Hospital in Saint Paul, MN.

When:October 22^nd, 8am - October 23^rd, 8am. Technically it’s the 15^th-16^th, however there was a group scheduling issue for that weekend.

Donate: Support the Fat Chance Heroes

Polar Plunge 2012

The Heroes will jump into a frozen Minnesotan lake in the dead of winter on behalf of the Minnesota Special Olympics. More information to come once they are registered for the event.

New Stuff !!

I typed 'New Stuff' into a photo search.  I got this guy.

Consider this as a heads up!  As I mentioned before, I’m constantly making changes to the JonnyD Weekly.  Here are some of the up and coming ones:


Whole New Layout!

Does anyone remember what the JonnyD Weekly looked like when it first started?  I don’t either.  And in a little bit this blue-scale background you’re looking at it is going to change even more.  We’re talking:

          Lively color schemes;
          New banners;
          Updated profile; and
          Stand alone pages, like “About the page” and “Contact JonnyD”


Whole New Content!

It has always been my intention to use this blog as more than what I have been.  I am finally set up where I’m at the point I can begin introducing new material.  Random, playful posts are a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong; but I do wish to add some heavier material, as well as some original short stories.

So, look forward to that in the near future.  I hope you enjoy it! 

Moby Dick

You won’t usually get a book report out of me because 1) I don’t read that fast, and 2) I don’t find reports to be all that interesting myself.  But when the book in question is Moby Dick, a certain amount of acknowledgement is in order.

I started the book on February 28th.  I finished it September 10th.  What’s that?  Six and a half months?  Sounds right.  6.5 months to read 650 pages.  I guess that’s not too bad…

For anyone who’s debating reading the book, consider this your warning.  Naturally, being written in 1851, it has that ye old language style that nigh use nowadays.  At first you’d swear it’s an entirely different language.

Now, I’m a person who is dedicated to the idea that you read EVERY, SINGLE, WORD.  The author wrote it that way, and to honor and respect him, I feel I should read it that way.  But that’s hard when the sentences go on, and on, and on, for half a page apiece. 

And he’s a point repeater; he says the thing over and over, but a different way each time - like he’ll beat around the bush to deliver a point, expounding with all sorts of prepositions, statements that sound like unripe tangents, which in turn all have their own pile of baggage, just to say what he’s getting at.  And then he keeps going.  It doesn’t stop.  Its like he has to explain it from so many different angles so that you fully and entirely get the point.  I understood just fine the first time, but no, he has to…
Great, now I’m doing it!  Thanks a lot Melville :-(

Don’t get me wrong - it is an exceptional book, and I am proud of myself for having read it.  It does exactly what it intends to do.  It is a novel, but it also a documentary on the art of whaling in the 1800s.  The chapters on whaling are extremely informative, and fascinating; but at the same time underwhelming.  They take a lot away from the action. 

The story itself is compelling.  It never occurred to me that you would discover a humane and sympathetic side to Ahab. Of course we all know that Captain Ahab self-destructive mission for revenge is going to lead to his ultimate demise, but going into the novel, I didn’t know how that was going to play out exactly?  What happens to him?  I assumed he died.  And what about the whale?  Do they kill each other?  Does Moby Dick get away?  Even into the last ten pages, I didn’t know.

And let me tell you, those last ten page are intense, and raw even for our time.

500 Club

Holy crap!  The JonnyD Weekly has had over 500 visits!  And that’s all thanks to you guys.


You!

In case you don’t know who you are, and because I’m a junky for statistics, let me tell you that:

There’s a 14% chance that you’re not from the United States.  You might be from Germany, Canada, India, United Kingdom, China, France, Moldova (look it up.  I had trouble finding it), Australia, Laos, Netherlands, Puerto Rico, or Denmark

10% chance you’re probably just me doing page maintenance.

25%  of you guys are using a mobile device to read this.

Some people have found the blog while searching for other things.  My favorites are:
     “Stay puft marshmallow man”
     “Evil marshmallow guy”
     “Agony over you”
     “Evil crazy guy in straight jacket”
     “And then my friend Chris”

The longest stretch of activity was 30 days.

The most visits in any one day was 26 on August 2nd.  That is thanks to the release of A Little Bit of Muscle, by Stranger Things Studios.

Speaking of which…  Between its two movies, Stanger Things Studios has had over 175 views on YouTube!  YouTube has its own mess of stats that I’m not going to bother getting into. 

I will say though that A Little Bit of Muscle has been banned in Germany!  Due to copyright laws - probably the unauthorized usage of the song “American Woman.”  Sorry, German fans.

Plug!

Again, thank you all so much for visiting the JonnyD Weekly, be it your first time (“Hello!”) or a regular thing for you (“Hey, welcome back!  Good to see you”).  First starting out, I thought doing this was a silly idea until I caught one of my brother’s reading my latest post during a birthday party.  It always amazes me to find out who’s reading. 

If you want to help out, the biggest thing you can do is to be sure to tell your friends! 

Or, if you have a Google account, you click the “like” button at the bottom of the posts. 

(<< Looks like this) 

As YouTube personality Phillip Defranco would say “Not only does it help out the show, but it let’s me know you care!”

Also, if you have a Google account, you can become a follower by clicking the “Join this site” button near the top right of the page. 

If not, you can subscribe to the newsletter!  You don’t even have to visit the page.  Just enter your email address, and whenever the new post comes out, you’ll get an e-mail with the whole story right there!  If you change your mind later, it’s really easy to unsubscribe.  I know;  I signed up to see what it looks like.  Just click the unsubscribe at the bottom of the e-mail, no harm done.



Bigger. Better.
I am constantly thinking of ways to improve the page - everything from layout, to color scheme, length of the articles, etc.  I’ve tossed a bunch of quick links and blurbs along the right side of the page.  Go ahead and check them out.  If you have any feedback, I’d love to here it.

Also, I now own the domain name www.jonnydweekly.com.  Much easier to remember, and far easier to tell your friends.

www.JonnyDWeekly.com

Type it in, and you’ll end up here!

KABOOM!

Getting blow up by a bomb sucks.  It’s never happened to me personally, but I’m sure that if it did, it would. 

Let’s say it’s the end of your work day.  You’re on your way out to your car - you’re tired; your crabby; work sucked; it always sucks - when, oh look, there’s low flying plane headed way you.  Then, when its almost directly overhead, a massive object that can only be a bomb detaches from its underbelly.

Well, that sucks.

What do you do?  Any Public Service Announcement will tell you “A bomb!  Duck and Cover.”

Wrong.  If you’re in the middle of a field that’s very shortly going to be a massive crater, swatting down in the grass isn’t going to do dick shit for you.  And what a way to go.  Bomb hits, shockwave goes out, and your body incinerates instantly in a stance you only find yourself in when you can’t wait until the next rest stop to go to the bathroom.

I figure the moment you see that chunk of metal dropping from the sky, the rest of your day is pretty well planned out for you.  However, you probably have a good ten seconds beforehand. 

Strangely, I see this as a blessing.  Think about it.  If a doctor told me that I only have 18 days left to live, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.  How much time do I really have left?  On what day am I no longer able to function?  I probably only have 14 days of quality living remaining.  What do I do with 14 days?  Knowing me, I probably would spend the first few days trying to figure it out; the last few meditating on whether or not I spent my time wisely; and the days in between not really enjoying myself, and for obvious reasons.

Ten seconds on the other hand - a lot less thinking.  A lot more doing.

In this situation, its better to have a game plan long before you leave work.  You know, just in case.  Near as I can tell, you only have one of three options:

Option #1 - Stand where you, and scream.  I’m sure most people would do this.  It’s unfortunate to pee yourself standing up, but in the heat of the moment, it probably feels like the right thing to do.  On the bright side, you’d get to witness first hand what a shockwave of flame and debris looks like.  Ooooo pretty…

Option #2 - Run towards it.  A popular choice among fatalists, realists, pessimists, or people who just had a bad day.  Just get it over with.  You don’t really want to survive something like that anyways.  Think of the radiation poisoning, the permanent injuries, potential paralysis or dismemberment, fourth-degree burns, the medical bills.  I yi yi!  Besides, as Dennis Hopper would tell you, “In a mess like that, they don’t even count body parts... They’re going to be cleaning your friend up with a sponge.”

Option #3 - Run! The PSA will tell you to duck and cover - hide.  Not me.  I’d rather be proactive; take my fate in my own hands; feel like John McClane for a brief moment in my life.  Imagine the rush you’d get booking it as fast as you can, hurtling the hood of cars as an inferno rides in your wake.  If you’re going to die anyways, you might as well go out with a bang - live free or die hard I say!

I’d like to think that in that moment I would turn out to be my own personal hero.  Sadly, I’d probably just stand there screaming, or swatting, or both.

What would you do?