Dark Santa

*NOT FOR KIDS*

It is often thought that when a vampire is slain, its minions perish as well.  That is why the Prince of Darkness, the father vampire, the first of its kind, is both feared and hunted.  Should he be slain, the world would be free of their menace.

Yet, Dracula is dead.  Abraham Van Helsing intercepted his coffin on its way back to Transylvania, opened it, and drove a stake through the creature’s heart. Why then are vampires still feared?  They cannot exist without  the father vampire still roaming the earth.

Unless Dracula was not the first of the vampires…

But who? And where?  With as much of the world now populated with an industrial, technological, and interconnected population, where could an immortal creature remain hidden, only to come out at night, fly through the darkness and invade peoples homes as they slept?

The warnings and signs are right before our eyes.  We tell our children to remain hidden and quiet at night upon his coming.  We warn our kids that they better watch out, and better not cry, because he is coming to town…

Santa.

Don’t believe me?  Both Dracula and Santa were immortal beings.  Assuming they were both vampires, upon Dracula’s death, ol’ St. Nick would have also died.  Unless Santa came before Dracula.  Had Santa turned Dracula into a vampire instead, then Dracula’s death would have no effect on the jolly old man.

Saint Nicholas was born in 270 A.D. along the Mediterranean coast of Turkey, over a thousand years before the birth of Vald the Impaler in 1431 A.D.  He vanished from his supposed death in 343 until sometime in the 13^th century when Vlad was born.  Around 1080 A.D., all of his relics were moved to Italy, which implies he was no longer in the area at the time.

Vlad the Impaler, more popularly known as Dracula, lived in Transylvania, a province of Romania.  His castle is located 1650 km almost due north of St. Nicholas’s last know whereabouts in 343A.D.  Santa was traveling north.

Santa must have attempted to create a colony of vampires in Romania, beginning with Dracula.  However, rumors of their identity began to circulate amongst the locals, and the folklore manifested.  They could not stay in Romania without endangering themselves. 

According to Bram Stoker, Dracula attempted to secure real estate in London.  However, his reputation preceded him, and Abraham Van Helsing led a movement to route him out of the city.  Dracula did the only thing he could do and fled home.  He did not make it.

Dracula’s activity, although it only enhanced and verified the existence of vampires, drew attention away from the true Prince of Darkness.  No one noticed the dark lord’s escape further north, nor was even aware of his presence.

In the centuries that followed, folklore of a Santa Claus began to circulate across Europe.  An immortal man, who flies, and only appears at night, right around the winter solstice - the longest night of the year.  He invades people’s homes, and instead of feeding on the inhabitants, leaves them gifts.

Not exactly the way to sustain one’s thirst for blood.  However, Santa does not live alone at the north pole.  A colony of elves also inhabits his workshop.  Despite the image of them excitedly creating toys for Christmas, one must realize that they could not survive in the harsh tundra beyond their base.  They could not make it to any other civilization before freezing to death.

They are trapped there.  As slave labor.  As food.  As a blood supply to satiate their master’s thirst.

But why the gifts?  Well, would you believe that a jolly man in a red suit was a vampire?  No.  Of course not.  And that is why Santa has spent the last 600 years creating an image of a benevolent, giving man.

Notice that the Prince of Darkness is only in operation around Christmas, when the planet’s tilt places the arctic circle in perpetual night.  Come summer, the sun never sets there.  Then again, no one hears from old Saint Nick for another year.

And no one attempts the south pole during its perpetual night except for the emperor penguins.