Teddy Bears & Voodoo Dolls

"But what do baby bears sleep with?"

What do teddy bears sleep with?  After all,  us humans made teddy bears for us to sleep with.  What did teddy bears cuddle up with when they were little to make themselves feel safe and warm?

I posed this question recently online.  The one response I received that stuck with me was simply put:  Humans.  We sleep with teddy bears, so obviously they are sleeping with us.  I guess that’s simple enough.

I rethought the core of my question.  We humans have fashioned stuff animals to resemble bears so that we can cuddle with them at night as children.  We call them teddy bears.  

So, really what I meant to ask was, “Does that mean that baby bears cuddle with little stuffed animals that resemble humans?”  Maybe they call them "teddy men." 

No.  Wait.  Miniatures made to resemble people are called voodoo dolls.  That’s concerning.  Keep that in mind next time you experience a sharp pain in your shoulder for no reason whatsoever.  It might be because in a the back of a bear’s den, deep in the woods somewhere, there’s a bear cub chewing on a stuffed animal that looks just like you!

So, be nice to the bears!  Treat them well.  Sponsor them.  Donate to preservation efforts and habitat protection programs.  Do whatever you possibly can to make sure they don’t chew up your fluffy avatar or roll over your plush replica in their hibernated sleep.

Remember: every time you hurt a teddy bear,
a real baby bear dies.

By that same logic, though, does that make Teddy Bears voodoo dolls as well?  Yikes, that’s scary.  Quick, scold every little brat you can!  Tell them that every time they hurt a teddy bear, a real baby bear dies.  No, that won’t warp their minds at all.

Besides, if you spot a kid shredding their teddy bears afterwards, that’s a good sign that you want to get your child checked out.  After all, torturing animals as a kid is a strong indicator of future a psychopath.

Yeah, try cuddling up for a good night’s sleep with your teddy bear with that thought in your head.  Good night!