Gum

I hate gum.  Hate it.  Hate it.  Hate! 

And  this is why:

Let’s say you offer me a piece of gum, and for some strange reason I take you up on it.  I take it out of the wrapper, toss it in my mouth, and throw the wrapper out.  First few minutes - awesome.  Good taste, nice and juicy; just what I wanted.  Hell, maybe I’ll blow a bubble or two while I’m at it.

Well, when do I stop?  I don’t want to waste any of the flavor, so I chew it until it all goes away.  What this means is that not only does it lose its flavor, but then it becomes harder to chew.  I’m not five, so I’m not swallowing it.  I’d throw it out, but I tossed the wrapper already, and spitting a wad of gum out seems distasteful.  Even if I had the wrapper, what I do I with it? All the trashcans scatter like cockroaches in the sun, and I’m stuck holding the wrapped gum like a used diaper.

So what do I do?  Leave it in my mouth and keep chewing.  My jaw gets tired to the point I can feel it almost clicking where its connected to my skull.  My mouth dries out.  I get really thirsty.

By now, not only am I jamming my teeth into a hard squeaky rubber, but I’m at a loss as to what to do with it.  Why did I ever take someone up on the offer?  This sucks!

I hate gum!  Hate it.  Hate it.  Hate!